Marriage and Family Resources

Family Systems offers a compelling view of the centrality of relationships and the necessity to cultivate healthy connections. We hope to foster connections that increase unity, fidelity and investment with those closest to us.

Communication is key

When it comes to connection, communication is key. Being known and knowing another in a meaningful way hinges on communication. Words, tone, eye-contact, and body language are all working together. Add in emotions, experiences, one's thoughts and you begin to experience the risk of sharing who you are with another person. Research highlighted by the team at Prepare-Enrich notes communication is the single greatest determining factor for a satisfying marriage. If you want to start working on one thing that will yield significant fruit, focus on investing yourself in the communication process. Share more. Listen more. Make yourself more available.

Boundaries build Trust

The extent to which you trust your spouse is the depth to which you can love. Deepening trust is an important process that can feel risky. Establishing and honoring boundaries is one way I have found couples take steps to develop trust. I like to say that boundaries build trust because within a couple relationship when we follow through we create a safe experience for one another. Fidelity fosters trust. Follow through fosters trust. Taking steps to be a trustworthy partner will increase opportunities for increased trust. As I value the needs, requests and boundaries of my spouse, I communicate love and offer safety for growth and connection.

connecting in conflict

Do you know anyone who actually likes conflict? I rarely, if ever, meet couples who like conflict. Moreover, I am finding couples avoid conflict and fail to realize the gift conflict could actually be for their connection. Researcher John Gottman writes on conflict and has found that master couples (those who truly make it and thrive) have the same quantity of conflict as disaster couples (you get it). The significant difference is in the quality. The quality of conflict is where we find connection. If you plan to go the distance in your marriage, begin to embrace conflict as a necessary space for deepening your connection with your spouse. Win the battle for unity. Win the battle for love. Find ways to be kind to one another and fight for one another. So often conflict creates defensiveness where self-preservation tries to take over. Let me encourage you to fight for the one you love. Connect in conflict because conflict is normal.

Transformation

Are you looking for a greater experience of life? Are you interested in feeling more free?
Transformation is all about saying "Yes." to greater health. Emotional, mental, relational, and spiritual health.

Increase self awareness & Ownership

If you have dreams and desires of living life differently, a necessary practice is to take account of where you presently are. Beginning with your self and embracing a posture of self-ownership will empower your transformation process. Self-awareness paired with self-ownership will quiet the voices of criticism while increasing the voice of courage. Increasing ownership in the transformation process will reduce defensiveness and reduce resistance to the beautiful process of growth and health. While it can feel uncomfortable, starting with your own journey of transformation will free you up and empower you to live toward your dreams and desires.

personal not private

While the transformative journey is deeply personal, it was never intended to be private. Transformation requires humility and a willingness to engage others, learn from others, be mentored by others, be encouraged by others and invest in others. Walking the journey of transformation in community will greatly enhance your opportunities for growth. Isolation will be one of the greatest barriers to your transformation. In isolation negativity and deception have their way, but in community love can fuel us forward.

hope > FEAR

What is your greatest fear? Have you ever considered your greatest fears are closely linked to your greatest hopes. If you fear death, I'd encourage you to more closely assess your desire for life. If you fear abandonment, consider your longing for connection. If you fear failing, investigate your hopes for success. Fear falls short of the beauty and power found in hope. Hope truly is the leading edge of transformation. As you feel fear, take it as your cue to shift your attention to the hopes you find stirring. Practice shifting from fear to hope.

Leadership

The opportunity for each leader is to see life in those around him or her and to facilitate greater health within the system. Fostering cohesion, purpose and connection to a larger call. Connecting to places yet discovered and directing others to that place. While the call of a leader can be exhilarating, the heart and mind of a leader must be the first places to experience health.

Start with self

When my favorite leader of all time was asked how we should spend our life, He said the second most important thing is to "love your neighbor as yourself". Learning how to love yourself and lead yourself is essential. I have found two very necessary character qualities in great leaders: great leaders know how to follow and great leaders know how to serve. It requires great discipline and self-control to lead. Our leadership will always be limited by our immaturity and insecurity. We must do the hard work of self-leadership. Prioritize our own transformation, our own humility, our own servant-heart, and our own maturity. Lead by example and start with yourself.

create cultures of life

As we learn how to lead ourselves, the natural progression is to lead others. Great leaders embrace the hard work of creating culture. Healthy leaders understand the importance of healthy systems. Organizational leadership and team leadership discover greater vibrancy when culture creation reaches for life giving values and life giving aspirations. We must move beyond self-serving motives and recognize we are being invited to foster life. Leadership is primarily about fostering environments where the people you are leading experience a greater measure of life simply because they serve under your direction. Commit to raising up and releasing team members. Commit to cultivating cultures of life. Healthy things live. Living things grow. Growing things change. Change fosters the opportunity for new fruit. May we be the courageous ones who lead people to life.

contend for clarity.

Systems theory shows us that as a system becomes more complex, the opportunities for miscommunication increase. The number of connections within the system increases. The number of people in the system increases. Communication becomes more important and more difficult at the same time. A necessary focus for all leaders is to contend for clarity. Patrick Lencioni (Author, https://www.tablegroup.com/pat/) notes in his book The Advantage, that creating clarity is the second necessary step in creating organizaitonal health. With clarity one is able to lead more effectively. Teams are able to function more unified. Staff and volunteers are empowered to lead and serve purposefully. Clarity removes confusion and clarity increases connection to the mission. As leaders we must do the hard work of contending for clarity. We are the one's who must never lose sight of reminding those we lead where we are headed and what role each has in the journey.