Connect. Gather. Reach. Multiply. Grow. Transform. Relate. Build. Again and again. The incessant reality of making a difference through the local church can, at times, be daunting. Would you agree? Do you ever feel pressure to reach people and connect with people and gather people in a meaningful way?

As church planters and church leaders, I think that we must regularly reconsider ways we create space for the people in our community. By the grace of God and the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, I believe that meaningful connections emerge when we dial down the pressure and dial up life giving encouragement.

A number of years ago, my wife, Lauren, and I, launched an idea in our local church with little pressure and genuine hope. With a passion for reaching couples and helping enrich marriages, we began hosting a small group we call “Couples Date Night”. As a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who has a Master’s Degree in Marriage and Family Therapy, I had become well acquainted with the struggle, the isolation and the distance couples experience in the normal rhythms of life. Moreover, I heard more and more stories of couples who did not have a single example or model of a vibrant marriage they could identify in their network of relationships. Simply, couples regularly present that they are doing well while they quietly crumble behind closed doors.

In an effort to create space in our local church to increase community and help couples (dating, engaged, married) increase their connection, Lauren and I began facilitating “Couples Date Night”. The goal of the group was to increase connections between couples, encourage couples toward life giving concepts connected to Jesus and help couples learn how to date one another. We wanted to create the most comfortable space with the least amount of pressure. The rhythm of meeting has been set to every other week with the intent to encourage couples to pursue date night during the off weeks. Each time we gather, the evenings consist of 3 main components: 1) Large Group Share 2) Mini Dates 3) Prayer.

    Large Group Share: Each week we highlight a life giving concept that will help couples improve their connection and connect with the life giving nature of God’s kingdom. We highlight topics like humility, laughter, forgiveness. The most fascinating reality that I’ve come to expect is the wisdom of the whole. By creating space for people to share their story, couples in the room experience God’s kindness because they no longer feel isolated in their own story.

    Mini Date: Each week we serve dessert in the middle of our time together and send every couple on a “Mini Date”. This time ranges from 15-20 minutes and it allows the couple to have personal time together. The goal is for them to give each other eye contact and practice being present to their partner. We have seen this be extremely beneficial in couple’s closeness and connection.

    Prayer: We believe God loves meeting people where they are on their journey. With no pressure, we invite people to share prayer requests. We conclude our time by praying as a group for the things shared and we pray for each couple to experience a vibrant relationship.

This group has become one of my favorites because it creates space for connection, it creates space for people to share their stories with one another, and it invests in rhythms that are sustainable and life giving.

Tony Portell, Lead Pastor at Vineyard Life Church (Indianapolis, IN), recently launched Couples Date Night in his church and had this feedback to share:

“We are wrapping up our last of six Date Nights tomorrow night. It has been a great concept and the feedback we are getting has been positive.  I have one couple who wrote and said their time during the Date Night has opened the door for them to communicate more often and more effectively.  They are in the sixties and have been married for 30 years.  We also have a young couple who is getting married in the fall.  This has been a great tool for them to prepare for marriage. They have gone through much of the content I would cover in pre-marriage counseling.”

Whether you are reaching couples inside the church or outside the church, couples want to have a life-giving relationship. Creating space to encourage and increase hope for couples makes a significant impact in the kingdom. If you are looking for ways to reach, gather, connect and impact, consider creating space for the couples in your community through a tool like Couples Date Night.

Resource: Couples Date Night (developed in partnership with Multiply Vineyard)

Photo by Luke Chesser on Unsplash